I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
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If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
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Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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