that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize