We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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