Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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