lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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