i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
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There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
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I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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