in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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