She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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