Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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