Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
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The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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