I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
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Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
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I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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