At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
soo... how was my night?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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