My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My vagina just recognized that song.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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