Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
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So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
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Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Randomize