I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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