btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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