How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize