You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize