I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
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Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
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She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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