my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
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I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
how drunk are you?
Several
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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