Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I smell stomach acid.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Please don't give away my fajitas
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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