I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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