okay pat passed out under dana's car
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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