Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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