dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
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it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize