i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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