very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize