I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize