Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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