The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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