New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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