I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
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i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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