hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
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The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
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Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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