I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
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I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
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What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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