Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
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easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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