is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
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The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
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I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
jump out the window naked night went bad
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