my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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