apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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