what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
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Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
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We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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