It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
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I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
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And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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