is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
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he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
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He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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