Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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