Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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