I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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