we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
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I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
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If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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