i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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