Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
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He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
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She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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