John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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