If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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