He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I want to have your abortion
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
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His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
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i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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