I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
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just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
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Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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